Embracing Paradoxies & Creating Strategies

How to Flourish In Hard Times: Part Three

We started with the concept of playing the hand you're dealt and how to flourish regardless of circumstances. I used my story as an example of a broader theme we are headed into collectively: a season of unexpected change and unavoidable hardships.

To help us prepare for what's to come, we detangled the misconceptions around easy outs and shortcuts that are sold to us in our hours of need. We then explored guiding principles and an overarching framework that set the stage for us to flourish in the face of adversity.

As we wrap up our series, we explore the strategies that hold up under the weight of our toughest challenges, and we review the paradoxes we must embrace if we're to flourish on the other side of difficult times.

Embracing Paradoxes

"So how, children, does the brain, which lives without a spark of light, build for us a world full of light" Anthony Doerr, All The Light We Cannot See

#1: The Gift of New Realities

Game Changers have a dream inside them. They often feel they were meant for something, but don't always know what. Some are bold with these dreams, some keep them buried deep within. But there's a little voice inside, nudging them towards the light, reminding them of what makes them burn with that feeling of being alive. They crave purpose, they have desires that run deep.

Glimpses of what could be pop up here and there but often, they don't have any real vision of what it all means. Then life speeds up. There are so many responsibilities and people to please and they have businesses to run, children to raise, and so on. They feel like they've been waiting their whole lives with this thing inside of them and then...

hard times come.

Hard times crack things wide open. Hard times force us to get clear. Hard times change everything around us faster than normalcy and comfort ever would. Hard times are sometimes the backward-ass answer to the prayers, dreams, and manifestations we asked for. Sometimes they're total shitshows that had nothing to do with us but are now our problem.

Hard times are our greatest opportunity to be transported to another reality we could have never achieved otherwise; the realities we couldn't have planned for or worked towards. Hidden within hard times are the invisible portals we pass through, transforming into the person we were always meant to be. And when we are ready to see it, hard times offer precious gifts that can be found nowhere else and are meant for no one else other than the soul that bravely encountered the weight of suffering through a difficult hand.

"All your life you wait, and then it finally comes, and are you ready?" -Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See

#2: The Gift of Being Fully Alive

Hard times require all of who we are. The unspoken temptation is that the hard time itself is enough, that nothing else should be required of us in this season, and yet, the opposite is true. To do well requires all of oneself to show up; the hard and the soft, the weeper and the warrior, the masculine and the feminine. We need the pain and the strategy. We need to face what was and claim what is yet to come.

We must have enough grit to know when to fight and enough wisdom to know when to surrender. We have to be fully present with the issues at hand and also, at times, be detached enough to see the grand opportunities hard times bring.

We have to embrace the mind-boggling smallness of our situation in the grand scheme of things while also confidently standing on the truth that even one life matters. Your life matters in every way and thus is here for a reason, at this time, in this place.

Hard times, when embraced, offer us the gift of being fully alive, fully awake. It is painful and beautiful and full of ups and downs. It is an incredible reminder that we are here to be fully alive before our time is up, tough seasons included. It's part of the gig, especially for Game Changers.

"Do you want to be alive before you die?" Anthony Doerr, All The Light We Cannot See

#3 The Gift of Clarity

People do not regret hard times when they are on their deathbed, they only regret all the ways they did not live and all the ways they did not focus on what matters.

Hard times remind us what matters and they give us the gift of fine-tuning everything back to the precious simplicity of who we are and what we're here to do; everything else becomes background noise.

Hard times are hard for a reason, they are a tall order. Some things are unavoidable no matter how much we try to escape the difficult seasons. So whether it's a bomb going off in your personal life, a big transition in business, or the wildest of times in a country, we are here to play the hand we're dealt, and we're here to play it well.

To play well, we need a strategy.

"Why else do any of this if not to become who we want to be?" Anthony Doerr, All The Light We Cannot See

Creating A Strategy to Flourish in Hard Times

"If the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's" Carl Jung

Vision: Begin with the End in Mind

In one of the most famous books ever published, Santiago of the Alchemist sets out on the classic 'Hero's Journey'. In the tale, he is compelled to leave his parent's home (and a stable shepherd's job) in search of the vision that appeared to him in a dream. He embarked on a long journey only to find his plans quickly dashed.

He was robbed, ambushed, taken advantage of, went broke, was often lost, was abandoned a few times, and physically assaulted along his way- you name it, he went through it. This long stretch of hard times, often referred to as the 'dark night of the soul', is a classic metaphor. During times of unpredictable circumstances and what feels like unending difficulties, well-laid plans are useless. What then did he do? He used the dream that started it all as a compass, a vision that re-oriented him to his path each time a new setback and difficulty occurred.

Difficult times rarely deliver us a clear path. Without a vision, we are vulnerable to a constant state of reaction, which is often fear-based and leads to a sense of victimization. When we have a vision, no matter how faint, we can respond with intention, with courage, knowing we have a destination beyond these temporal circumstances and we intend to end up there.

Through the many journeys and hardships Santiago underwent, his vision is what pulled him through. Every new circumstance on his adventure forced an updated strategy, but all was ever-geared towards his north star- his vision that was worth fighting for and moving towards.

Of course, Santiago did not know he was on the 'Hero's Journey'. He did not know that the small voice nudging him would lead to the 'dark night of the soul', he did not know, at the time, that he was among all our favorite characters who also had to traverse wildly difficult seasons before they evolved into their true selves. Through it all, Santiago did not know that eventually, he would arrive at the end of his incredibly difficult adventure, forever changed, and now a worthy character in the grand book of life.

"Develop the strength to do bold things, not just the strength to suffer" Machiavelli

Values: Your Guide When Nothing Is Certain

Values support our vision in the ever-changing tides of a difficult season.

Values are simply the top priorities of an individual or a group. It's a thought process that trims down everything, all the options, and designates what's absolutely most important when the shit hits the fan. Everyone has a set of values they live by, intentionally or otherwise. You'll know a person, or a company's values by what they consistently do, and this becomes most clear in difficult times.

When we define values clearly, we give ourselves a structure for making decisions when all else is hazy.

A couple of years ago I worked with a client who ran a small team that was expanding into new locations. My client, John, worked diligently on getting super clear on his values and his vision.

After we finished working together, his company was hit with an unexpected economic downturn in his market, forcing them to pull back on expansion, take some losses, and reground their operations. In this season that lasted over a year, there were a lot of decisions that had to be made as they adjusted their strategy. The situation wasn't easy. All his well-laid plans went up in smoke when they had to change directions unexpectedly. However, he was so clear on his values and vision, that he was able to navigate all the curveballs and adapt in the moment.

When plans are collapsed by uncontrollable circumstances, values step in to guide important decisions toward the vision, and this becomes the fluid strategy that holds up in difficult times.

John wasn't a victim of his circumstances. He didn't suffer unnecessarily or get caught in constant reaction. He wasn't defeated by something that could have been catastrophic. His vision and values were able to guide his team through rough waters and made it so he was able to come out the other side, better than before.

Within a year he was stabilized and ready to grow again. He returned to his expansion plans with fresh wisdom from the downturn, better team members who were more aligned with his vision, and a lot of confidence from finding what works in a difficult time.

"Every decision you make is not a decision about what to do, it's a decision about who you are" Neale Donald Walsch

People: The Right Support is a Game Changer

An interesting thing happened after my husband and I lost our son. I first noticed it when we began to have an influx of visitors and letters. My interactions with everyone changed, mostly on the inside.

It felt like things were moving in slow motion, like a veil had been lifted and I could see the interactions happening between myself and others. Like watching another dimension happening inside this one, this strange experience also came with a very strong gut reaction to people's presence.

For example, some people had a surprisingly nurturing presence, while others caused what felt like an involuntary reaction of 'closing up' inside me- with so many variances in between. My gut reacted so purely, so immediately, so profoundly, that my husband and I decided to make a note of it. Something inside me told me to remember this clarity and to trust it. So I did.

My situation may be extreme, but it highlights an important lesson: our guts are speaking to us in hard times. Our souls and bodies fight to tell us truths, that if honored, help us get through dark waters more easily.

Going through a difficult time well requires the right support. Having someone around me that gave me an instant gut reaction of safety, of strength or anything that helped me to be present and focused on what I needed to do, was a gold mine. Anyone who gave me an instant gut reaction of closing up, wanting to shut down, or taxed my body in any way with their energy was not something I could afford.

When we know our vision and values, finding the right people for this key support becomes a lot easier. There's something about hard times that weed people out of our lives and suddenly showcase others. I did not get caught up in judgment of those who were not a good fit nor did I idolize those who were right for me at the time; I just did what I could to ensure I was around the right people for that season.

Values and Vision will suffice to hold a strategy together, but good people on your team will help hold you together. The right people will strengthen every aspect of your life so keep you can continue to execute a value and vision-based strategy in difficult times.

"A true friend accepts you as you are and also helps you become who you want to be"

Conclusion

We discussed last week that the worst place to be in tough times is in constant reaction. A state of constant reaction will quickly lead to feeling like a victim of the circumstances. It's not good for our souls, it's not good for business and it's the last place you want to be if things are dicey in the whole country.

A vision moves us from constant reactions into calculated responses.

Values are a way of keeping a strategy loose enough to weather the stormy seas of trials but calculated enough to keep you moving beyond the temporary, ensuring you arrive on the other side in a better place than you started.

Good people aren't always easy to find in difficult times. Seek out healthy groups, guides, and people that give you that gut-level response of 'this is the right person for this season'. The best investment outside of yourself is in the right team for you and your dreams.

"We rise again in the grass. In the flowers. In songs." Anthony Doerr, All The Light We Cannot See