Escaping Forward: A Response to Suffering
I got a call from someone the other day and when I picked up, this is what she said:
Her: "I don't like this. I don't have to like this. In fact, I hate this part of my life right now. It's hard and I'm grieving and it's difficult 'af'. "
Me: (Silence)
Her: That doesn't mean I'm not grateful for all precious moments and all that I have. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the incredible learning and transformation that will come out of it, and it doesn't mean I won't focus on creating a better future. But this, this moment right here is really difficult and I don't like it at all. I'm not going to waste anymore energy trying to convince myself this is somehow a positive situation. And I think that's ok."
Me: (Speechless)
“It is better to look suffering straight in the eye, acknowledge and respect it’s presence, and then get busy as soon as possible focusing on things we choose to focus on.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
I was grateful for that person's honesty over the phone. I could relate to what she was saying and her direct candor helped break through my own tiny barricades of 'positivity bandages' holding together the 'dumpster fires' in my life.
She was being true to herself by speaking that out to me and it caused movement for both of us. And I wanted to be true to myself by figuring out how to utilize that energy somehow, to put it to good use for both of our lives. As my best friend and I used to say growing up, "if it hurts, use it".
“Repression is not the way to virtue. When people restrain themselves out of fear, their lives are by necessity diminished. Only through freely chosen discipline can life be enjoyed and still kept within the bounds of reason.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
But how do I, and those suffering, use the hurt as fuel? How do we turn from repression into acceptance and continue moving forward? The obvious answers sometimes hit the hardest, and I found mine in what I talk to other people about all the time : Inner world development.
I'll paraphrase Mihaly to explain more below:
'Albert Einstein said that art and science are the most effective forms of escape that people have developed. And it’s true that art is a form of escape because instead of dealing with reality as it is, it’s a form of creating a new reality; a better, more interesting, creative and beautiful reality than we are used to.
Similarly science denies the reality we know by bringing in new knowledge, new technology, new ways of operating , and in fact, creating again a new reality.
So there are different forms of escape. There are escapes forward and escapes backward. The escape backwards is when you dull your sense of reality by denying reality or by repressing reality. But in flow, you are escaping forward. You are creating your reality by taking on challenges that were not there before and by learning skills sets that you didn’t have before. '
So that escape from everyday facets of life when you are so concentrated is relief from the past, relief from the constraints of our reality which is often frustrating and confusing and it moves you into a whole new experience where you’re completely involved and focused”.
The way I practice Inner World Development is a combination of art and science; a happy marriage of the divine feminine energetic approach and the divine masculine energetic approach. It's a process of creation, study, discipline and wonder. It's what I've situated my life around and yet still, I needed to be reminded of its power when I got stuck earlier this week.
“People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
The author of "Flow" puts it better than I would, and his words rang true. This week, for me, was not about the pursuit of happiness or success. It was about the acceptance of difficult moments and of temporary suffering, and then a call to action to get busy 'escaping forward'.
“...success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue...as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
Jesska Layne Herfst, MAPC
High Performance Consultant
Founder of Layne & Hugh Consulting