A Game Changer's Mantra: 2024 Edition
You Are Not A Victim
He's 64 but someone at the gym said he looks 42. He's tall and ripped, intense, and a little crazy. He's been through more than anyone I know. He's a professional overcomer. He's coaching me through my weightlifting journey and my recent loss. In the middle of the gym, with tears in his eyes, he points his finger at me and says 'You are not a victim'.
Flashback to a year ago: It was the night after our traumatic loss. He and my mom sat down with my husband and me to walk us through what to expect next. With tears in his eyes, he said firmly:
"You're going to be tempted to blame or shame yourself for what happened, do not do that. You're going to be tempted to entertain all kinds of unhelpful stories about what happened, do not do that. Commit right now to loving yourselves through this"
Solid feedback saved my husband and me that night. Hearing good advice in a crisis is one thing, hearing wise words from someone who knows the depths you're about to traverse is completely different. Having someone talk from a place of actual experience, I re-learned, is 100 times more stabilizing than someone who is just saying appropriate things. He hadn't lost a child before. He had not been through the exact same thing as me, but he had committed to facing the pain and trauma in his own life. He was a true inner world developer and he had the power or presence to prove it.
Flashback to eight years earlier: This same man had a PTSD breakdown after 25 years of service in his field. Before his breakdown, I watched him perform at a gifted level. I watched him accomplish things greater than most would in their entire lives. I saw him fight a war that was way ahead of his time when few could even stand with him. I saw him eventually sacrifice his health and his well-being, trying to accomplish what would've taken an army of strong men to achieve. Then, I saw his bill come to. Trauma from a lifetime of work on the frontlines of one of the darkest battles of our age, trauma from an early childhood wound, trauma from all the souls he worked with- all of it came to a breaking point. And I watched him choose to deal with it. He left the work and dedicated his life to his healing; a big task for where he was at and what he would have to face. He felt he had lost everything but his family at the time. As a gift for Father's Day, I got him a membership to a gym. I suggested it might be a good outlet for him during his recovery. He took me up on it and has been going ever since. He now looks younger and more fit than he has at any other point in his life. He's learned to retrain himself in every area of mind, body, and soul. All the hard work has an outer visual at the gym. He's rested, healthy, in shape, and reverse aging, from the inside out.
Flash forward to 10 months ago: He told me that lifting weights in the gym had helped save him in a dark time and that he would like to give that gift back to me. He offered me personal training, as I learned to work through my grief and rebuild my body. He offered to be there with me every step of the way.
Flash forward to last week: It's been about a year since a healing journey at the gym. He's walked me through the lessons of training my body during the depths of my recent trauma. He's modeled the ability to face the pain that comes with it, with mental toughness and true compassion. Many days we're in there, teary-eyed at times, talking and walking our way through the grief, the madness, the trauma of life. After a year of going through my loss with me, he teared up once again, not at his pain, but at mine, and firmly said 'You are not a victim".
Neither tough love, nor encouragement, the statement 'you are not a victim' was a simple instruction on how to thrive. This mantra had changed his own life. My dad tells himself he's not a victim regularly. He doesn't deny the reality that happened to him. He feels it. The pain that comes with facing the horrors of life can write a story inside of us, it will tell us we're a victim when the suffering is at its most intense. "I am not a victim" is a way to tell a new story, one where we face the pain but are also free to overcome, to thrive, to be whatever we want to be moving forward. He told me not to be a victim so I could have a future that capitalizes on the pain, not capitulates to it.
For whatever reason, being told 'you are not a victim' is completely inoffensive when it comes from someone who has the right to be one and is choosing not to. So, as someone who may have the right to the title, I humbly pass on the clear message to you, as it was delivered to me:
"You Are Not a Victim"
I share this with you because I believe it's going to be a necessary mantra of 2024, for everyone.
There are whispers of what's in store for us as a collective. It may be tough. We may be in for a lot of changes. We're going to be tempted to give into fear, we're going to be tempted to shame and blame, we're going to be tempted to feel and act like victims.
I can say, with great confidence, that over the next few years, anyone reading this will encounter something personally or as part of the collective that will be worthy of claiming the feelings and title of victim. The problem is this: the people who most deserve to be a victim are the same ones who cannot afford to be one.
My father cannot afford to be one; he will lose the precious time he has left on earth to past wounds and wrong-doings if he doesn't intentionally claim a new story.
I cannot afford to be one; I will lose a life full of love and untapped potential if I take the fear-filled defeat of victimhood over my recent, tragic loss.
The Game Changers of this world cannot afford to be victims at this time, either; they will lose the incredible opportunity to create a long-awaited transformation during one of the rarest transitions on our planet.
So this is my message to us all this year:
You are not a victim.
No matter what happens this year, or in the next ten, let's commit right now to love ourselves through it. This is not a cliche. This is incredibly difficult work that changes everything. Let's commit to facing 2024 and beyond, head on. We will deal with the pain that arises. We will learn to walk through it, together. We will not be victims of the incredible time that is upon us. We will overcome. We will be professional overcomers.
You're Responsibility as a Game Changer (yes, you):
'What is a game changer?' you ask.
Allow me to explain.
Game Changers (GCs) are created by the choices they make. They choose an unseen world in the face of the endless noise of the outer world. They choose, continually, to develop something inside themselves as a response to pain and as a way towards their desires. GCs are here to be the forerunners towards a collective maturation of the inner world. They are defined by their continual persistence in this direction despite the cost. They pay the price for going ‘in’ before the path is paved, and they keep going. They consciously heal. They intentionally expand. And they bring their inner world resources to a place of integration with the outer world. These individuals, scattered around the globe, are the ones who can tip the cultural scales toward a true renaissance of human potential.
The Game Changers (GCs) are the catalyst for rapid (r)evolution in this unique window of time. They don’t belong to any exclusive group, gender, age, or other identification. They are defined instead by their ongoing dedication to choosing the path inwards- to confront, explore, expand, and evolve their inner world.
They are going inward to create real outer world results that profit and impact the world around them. The path of the Game Changer is challenging in any era of transition. Trailblazing a path before the masses has made it comfortable will always be full of isolation, barriers, and unexpected rewards. The Game Changer’s role is necessary to move culture forward. Theirs is a unique and important burden to bear.
This newsletter is all about those who choose this time to be a Game Changer. We explore the stories, the process, and the people who are forging our future through the unmarked paths of the inner world.
And to kick things off, we started hot and heavy with our Mantra for 2024:
"You Are Not A Victim"
Make the choice, Game Changer. Let's do this year together.
How's that for a New Year's Message in February that doubles as a Welcome Back Newsletter?
