The Truth, The Lies, and A Wise Mind

How to Flourish In Hard Times: Part Two

We started with the concept of unavoidable hard times and how to flourish regardless of circumstances. I used my story as an example of a broader theme we may be headed into collectively: a season of unavoidable changes and potential hardships.

To help us prepare for what's to come, we're looking at a framework for how to flourish in difficult times.

"We step into our power when we learn to take control of our response in the face of all that we cannot control. A wise response is a game changer when you're used to constant reactions"

The Line Up

We're going to take a quick walk through the massive misconceptions (from a lifetime of salesy propaganda) about how to navigate difficulties.

Then we'll talk about the most important aspect of this whole thing: acceptance of the road ahead.

Lastly, we're going to address the core of hard times: our emotions.

A Little Crash Course

The success of our response to hard times has a theme: raw honesty. Honesty is a type of truth-telling. One of the silver linings of hard times is that it's a crash course in finding the truth, shedding the BS, and getting super focused on what matters. Hint: anything that's untrue doesn't matter. Things that don't matter are a liability in hard times.

Letting go of things that don't matter is easier said than done, even for the best of us. Being honest with ourselves, accepting our situation, and engaging how we feel are the top determinants of how we come out the other side of our toughest ordeals.

This initial crash into eyes-wide-open honesty is a bit rough. Why is that? Well, I believe it's in part due to living inside, what I like to call, "the BIG lie".

"Hundreds of billions of dollars are spent every year to control the public mind" Noam Chomsky

Truth is not super sexy the way lies are, and we're used to being sold a lot of sexy lies. So buckle in, cuz all the good stuff is on the other side of the unsexy truth stuff.

Detangling the Misconceptions

I used to get suckered into big promises. You know, the ads that will guarantee incredible results in just a few simple steps. I hear these juicy lies and I act like Charlie Brown, forgetting all the times this did not work and I run at it again, ending up flat on my back and disappointed. My husband used to call me a 'marketer's dream'.

One time, many years ago, all my peers were jumping on a cleansing trend that 'was super easy' and guaranteed quick results. I carefully checked to make sure there were no common side effects. The only thing listed was a ".01% chance of staining in the cracks of teeth". Weird. I didn't fully understand what that even meant. Sounded like safe odds.

Well, I spent a week looking like Captain Barbosa because I did indeed fall into the ".01%" of consumers who had this side effect. In an effort to improve myself, I ended up looking like I had wooden pirate teeth due to a mysterious staining effect. And no, I did not see the promised miraculous results either. Just stained teeth for nothin.

Now, I prefer frameworks. I prefer to understand the general principles leading to any kind of outcome, and I highly value customizing it for myself and others.

I seek time-tested processes. I crave customized feedback. And I like to understand the greater principles so I can always find my own way within it. I know now that for whatever reason, I'm an exception to many rules. I think a lot of us are. I think sales, marketing, and basic propaganda have distorted our perception of what is good and real and replaced it with outlandish expectations based on our deepest fears, desires, and needs.

The world of sales, propaganda, and delicious lies trick us into quick solutions to things that ultimately take time, that require a process, and that work best when we first understand ourselves.

First Up in the Framework: Accepting the Process

Difficult situations are difficult because they cannot be solved overnight, in a few simple steps, or by buying enough things. The very first step in how to Flourish in difficult times is to understand these three non-sexy, non-salesy things:

• it will take time
• its a process
• there are no shortcuts

I hated hearing this when my life got extremely difficult. I wanted the delicious lie. I wanted to be done yesterday, not in two years, or ten. However, holding on to that fantasy was worse, it made the unavoidable truths of the situation harder to face. Acknowledging and surrendering to the difficult season is actually way easier in the end. I had to accept that to go through a difficult time well, I must accept the process it requires.

I had to let go of the flashy detours for quick fixes, feel-good shortcuts, and shallow tricks that promised to save me the hardship of going through the real process.

The opportunity inside these hard times is worth fighting for, but we'll get to that later.

Difficult times require a process, and outside all the noise of the world, these processes are what we find ourselves in when the shit hits the fan in our families, in our businesses, and in our nation.

Next Up: Reframing the Pesky Emotions

Let's be real, if we had no feelings, we probably wouldn't think of hard times as 'hard'. But we are human and thus, emotions are here to stay until we're bred into robots (just a little transhuman joke). So for now, we need to know how to frame these unavoidable emotions right off the bat.

A Story and A Case for Wise Mind

Kacy, an old client and rising star CEO of a mid-size organization, was faced with a merger during an economic downturn, putting her in a lose-lose situation.

After a stellar career record of almost all wins, she was now faced with a season ahead where there was no real shot at being a hero, and the call of her position was to lead during a difficult time. She would have to make cuts, let people go, report losses to the board, and take a reputation hit with some of the communities they serve. The circumstances were out of her control. Her task was to figure out how to do these difficult things while keeping an eye on the prize; the restructuring of a company that could thrive on the other side of these hard times.

Lots of people say there is no room for emotions in business. While I get the sentiment, I would change it to 'there's no room for misunderstanding the role of emotions in business'. Businesses are built around people and people are inherently and incurably emotional beings. Human emotion is a constant variable in all our 'hard times' scenarios, business or otherwise.

This delicate emotional balance in all of us gets pressed on, like a finger in a wound, when difficulties hit. Not accounting for this is a dangerous mistake out of the gate.

"The left hand is no better than the right hand, nor the right brain better than the left. The key is getting them to work together, that's when all the magic happens."

In hard times, there's a temptation to over-compensate with the 'rational mind'. The rational mind is extremely valuable in these situations. However, the dark side is that when we overuse this realm, we tend to shut down. Difficulties bring up emotions, it doesn't matter how rational you are. Not dealing with the real emotions that arise in difficult times is NOT rational, it's a key piece of data that needs to be integrated in a healthy way. Refusing to do this typically harms the body, the strategy, and the people involved.

The other extreme is falling completely into the 'emotional mind'. While facing, engaging, and actually feeling our emotions is a healthy practice, when we fall too far into this realm we become in danger of a victim mindset. Being controlled by our emotions means we miss opportunities to take wise actions and move the needle forward even when it doesn't feel good.

Remember when we did the Villain Prompt? The premise was that the people who refuse to recognize that they are capable of 'evil' or 'being the bad guy' were more likely to end up becoming the thing they can't see in themselves. Well, the same is often true with emotions and logic. The more adamant someone is that they run their businesses/decisions solely on data, logic, and reason, the more likely they are to be the ones who are most controlled by their unacknowledged emotions.

Thus:

• being able to observe ourselves (like in the Villain Prompt)
• and notice these different parts (good guy/bad guy, emotion mind/logic mind)
• allows us access to our 'wise mind'
• which is the basis of a solid strategy in hard times

The Unsexy Part: Flourishing in Hard Times

Kacy needed a strategy to get through the difficult year ahead. Good strategies are like lighthouses on the open, stormy seas. Good strategies have to be based on honest assessments of ourselves and the situations we're in.

Once she was past quick fixes, she was ready to settle in for the long haul. To create a solid strategy, she began observing and being honest about herself and the situation she was in. We faced the emotions head-on. She went deep and faced her triggers and fears so that they didn't control everything through crafty versions of 'logic'. We used all parts of her as a leader (good/bad/ugly, rational mind/emotional mind). When we relieved the pressure of those deeper emotions and sorted them out the tricks of the logic, we were able to pull in her gifts with ease and craft a solid strategy.

This was the foundation for leading well in hard times: detangling misconceptions, getting honest, and facing emotions head-on. Getting through hard times well is what leads to flourishing on the other side.

And she did indeed figure out how to flourish.

Going through hard times well is a hard sell (go figure).

Truth is a hard sell.

But the lie is much worse.

Going through tough times in constant reaction, being controlled by chaos, and suffering extra damage along the way, is the hardest option of them all.

The real way is not as shiny at the onset, but it's the only path I know of that creates real, lasting, super-proud-of-yourself, humbled-but-glowing, ready-for-the-next-season kind of flourishing on the other side.

Now that the serious reality check is done, we can move into the 'fun' part.

Stay tuned for more on How To Flourish in Hard Times.