Wired for Connection: The Truth About Why We Can’t Thrive Alone

Have you ever felt like you had to do it all alone?

There's a saying that all trauma happens through relationships; therefore, all healing happens through relationships.

We're wired for connection but many of us end up going at it alone. This is not without reason. We've all experienced those deep moments of betrayal, loss, or trauma that happened through a relationship that shape us to this day. Deep down we may crave community or to not be so alone, but over time the disappointments of personal relationships and institutions that promised connection and support hurt us in some way.

The catch to this issue is that the remedy lies in being seen. It lies in being in deep connection; it lies in finding your people and healing through a sense of true belonging.

The fear of being seen is real. We hesitate to show up fully, worried that we’ll be judged, that we’ll take up too much space, or worse, that no one will see us at all. But what's the reality on the other side of that fear? What happens when you let yourself be truly witnessed? Not in a way that makes you feel exposed, but in a way that makes you feel deeply held?

That’s the power of belonging. And when you find the right pack to run with, everything changes.

Breaking the Lone-Wolf Spell: The Myth of Self-Sufficiency

There’s a cultural obsession with the lone genius, the self-made success, the person who figured it all out through sheer willpower. But let’s be honest—real transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. Even the most powerful leaders, creators, and visionaries have had support systems, intimate relationships, tribes of like-minded people, and mentors that helped shape them.

Going it alone feels safe because it means you don’t have to risk rejection. Social rejection is one of humanity's top fears; it's burned into our psyches and we go to great lengths to avoid this experience.

Yet, deep connection, belonging, and being seen and accepted for who we are is one of our deepest psychological needs- one that often goes unmet, hindering the potential of all we truly want in life.

The lone wolf approach can feel safe but it also keeps you stuck. You can only go so far alone. There’s a reason we thrive in connection—it’s literally hardwired into our biology.

Not All Group Experiences Are Created Equal

I was recently invited to a local group as a participant. No one there knew I did this for a living. The goal of the group was to get people connected, to establish friendships, and to interact with deeper spiritual beliefs. The group was led by a volunteer who had no prior experience. He read a list of guidelines at the beginning to help establish a safe place for sharing, and then, with total charm and innocence, violated every single guideline throughout the night. It was almost comical.

The environment was not conducive to connection. The questions were not helpful. He accidentally missed every opportunity for learning, connection, and real expression. It was borderline chaotic. BUT...

Even in terrible facilitation, there was a palpable, subconscious need arising from people to be seen, to be heard, to express, to connect, to heal. I observed it all with fascination. Even though the atmosphere was far from ideal, we were all hard-wired to at least try and connect and I watched as each individual attempted this despite the circumstances. People are starved for this kind of belonging.

Why You Can’t Replicate This Alone: The Neuroscience of Group Dynamics

"Humans are wired for connection, and true connection comes from embracing vulnerability"

Science backs up what I observed that night. Not only do we have a biological need for belonging, but we learn, grow, and evolve faster when we’re in the presence of others. In a healthy group environment, we experience the kinds of things we all crave:

• Mirror Neurons & Expansion – When we witness someone else succeeding- even if it's just succeeding at expressing themselves with ease or confidence, our brain experiences it as if we’re doing it ourselves. That’s why being in a room with people who are actively growing accelerates your own transformation.
• Replicates the Original Family: Being in an intentional group space replicates the original family dynamic, giving each person the opportunity to re-approach the role they're used to fulfilling, to try something new, to heal old patterns, or to experience themselves and others through a new framework. This actively re-writes our neuropathways through in-the-moment experiences.

"Shame dies when stories are told in safe places" Ann Voskamp

• Real-Time Integration – Learning something intellectually is one thing. But when you’re part of a group, you don’t just hear the concept—you see it modeled, apply it in real time, get an opportunity to experiment with implementation, and get immediate feedback.
• Emotional Safety & Risk-Taking – The right group gives you the courage to take steps you wouldn’t take alone. Being supported reduces the brain’s fear response, making it easier to take aligned action, especially outside of the group in our day-to-day lives. The more comfortable we become with this process inside the group, the more powerful the outcome outside of the group.

You don’t just think differently in the right room—you become different.

The Power of Facilitated Space: How well-led groups create safety, depth, and transformation

"We don't heal in isolation but in connection"

Solo work is powerful. It's foundational. That said, a well-facilitated group offers key benefits that solo work cannot achieve on its own, such as:

• Insight Amplification –We show up differently in a group than we do 1:1 or by ourselves. This dynamic provides exposure to important aspects of our process, personality, and patterns, opening the doors to real-time insights and changes not otherwise available.
• Integrating New Patterns – Group dynamics allow us to practice new patterns and experiment with being parts of ourselves in a safe setting. Witnessing others take these same bold steps dissolves the illusion that we “can’t” do the same. The right group makes expansion feel normal.
• Belonging Builds Momentum – Collective energy is contagious and stays with us well after each encounter, making the healing and growth process both lighter and more powerful than when we're on our own. Our breakthroughs don’t just happen in theory—we experience them in real-time, surrounded by people who hold us to our highest selves.

When you’re in the right group, you’re not just consuming content or setting goals. You’re shifting on a cellular level.

Why We Resist The Power of Joining A Pack

As much as we're wired for connection, we're also afraid of being seen, expressing ourselves, and risking rejection. Groups are incredibly powerful experiences when done right.

"The best things corrupted are the worst"

Because groups are so powerful, the disappointing experiences we've had with them leave a mark. We've all experienced a family, institutional, or group setting that left us feeling like it's not safe to put ourselves in that situation again. If that's the case, groups become even more necessary for us to heal through. Thus, it’s normal to hesitate before taking the leap. Maybe you’re thinking:

• “What if I don’t fit in?” → The right group isn’t about “fitting in”—it’s about being valued for exactly who you are. A well-facilitated group ensures that the process is what establishes the connection, not outer factors like age, hobbies, interests, etc.
• “I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” → Growth doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. If you feel the pull, you’re ready.
• “What if I don’t get anything out of it?” → You’ll get as much as you give. The simple act of showing up is often enough to shift everything.

Bottom line: You’re meant to grow in community, through connection, and with support. If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it.

It's Time For A Wild Ride: Find Your People, Change Your Life

Groups are one of my most popular offerings. I've been facilitating for almost 20 years now. I've been in dozens of groups myself. Done well, it's my favorite kind of work.

I run groups a bit differently, I have a secret ingredient. It's a special process that's accessible to newbies and alumni alike. This type of group is the most requested work I've ever done, and it's back this year. I'm opening up a mini-group for new people to try it out and experience it for themselves.

If you've been interested in the work, felt a nudge towards finding your people, or been craving the kind of experience that transforms your deepest patterns- then stay tuned and get ready for the Game Changers mini-group series, coming in March.

"There is a seat waiting for you at tables you haven't seen yet"

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